Last night I laid out under the stars and basked in their glow. I could see a pink and green haze emanating from them and faint lines of light the seem to interconnect. The simple treasure of the sky at night left me in awe at our experience here. The magic and wonder that is all around us takes away words and leaves a silence that is equally profound. There is a majesty that we work through and around daily, a constant buzz and harmony of life, love and joy, and in my open and raw state, it frequently brings me to tears.
On the walk to the field, I fell in love with the up and down of my left leg and my right leg. As one plants and supports the other, the entire being shifts balance and adjusts, allowing for the next. As one moves forward and finds footing, it pulls on the other, as it too pushes to the next step. In this dancing energy I found a healing taking place within my hips. My entire being began to organize itself with each footfall. My tendons, bones and ligaments started to stretch and seek new ways to grow. The shifts were quite subtle. My toes too sought new positioning, as my body began to organize itself with the movement. This is not something I did, but rather something I allowed to happen for me as I tuned into my own happiness. It is in our release and appreciation at the simple wonders around us that miracles happen.
Our world is incredible. I am so thankful to be here. I experienced so much, from bleeding head wounds, stolen bikes, deep wales and sobs, laughter, boredom, joy and more. I have left behind an old version of myself and am getting to know this new person. This is not a goodbye but a hello, and I am in awe of who I have become, and the many people and experiences that have shaped me. Throughout it all there is a part of me that has always been here shepherding me. It is has been my cheerleader, my coach, my lover and friend. In moments of despair it has been the mother’s lap I needed to cry on, and the father’s guiding direction. I have no other word for it but Soul or Source. It is that thing within all of us that weaves our stories together and gives us purpose and meaning.
Thank you dearly for joining me on this journey. I am eager to continue sharing and excited to see what that looks like now that the fast is over. I love you all.
All the Love,
Ryan Orion
Fasting Notes:
To write the numbers 40 of 40 has been incredible. I was not sure I could do it when I started. I have been dreaming of this day and for it to be here is another miracle. I am grateful for the many insights and so excited to begin nourishing myself with nutrition. Simple things like going on walks and playing with my kids are other things that I have dreamed of and we are almost there!
Here are some things I noticed while being very sensitive to the world around me, and some last thoughts.
- AC is a chemical and has a chemical effect. We are so used to “conditioning” our air that we stop to forget that it of course has an effect. I have noticed that it makes me feel sick. When the AC in the store kicks on I can feel myself becoming lightheaded and a small burning within me as my body adjusts to make room for the chemical. This has made me realize that I do not think I was car sick as a child, but reacting to the AC coming out of the vents. I am not sure what to do aside from major infrastructure change, or just embracing it. Just embracing that we are going to be warm during the warm months is a good start perhaps.
- As I hold my laptop close to me to type, I can feel a burning. It feels like I am being microwaved slightly. It is important for us to have healthy routines of cleansing from our devices, they interact with us in ways that we are not fully aware of. I feel that having it plugged in, or working with a computer that is grounded may help direct the energy of it more into the device and less into me. I had not realized, but my hands have been aching each time I type, and now when I take them out of the field of the laptop, about a foot away, the ache stops. Intuitively I sense that working with plants/ having my hands in the dirt will be the most healing for this.
- In setting goals, move through it and not to it. This fast was easier when I did two things: firstly I treated every day like it was day one (or tried to); secondly I looked to 42 days instead of 40. As I released the 42 and acknowledged the 40 these past few days, it got way more difficult to stay present.
- Following Original Intention. As things got difficult and I wanted to quit on any task or cut corners, I would return to my original intention. What was the thought or idea that got me to this point? What was it that got you to do it in the first place? While we should adapt and change as we create and move, when we feel turmoil, doubt or resistance, return to the original intention. It really helps as a guide when we feel friction in the low moments.
- Be kind to yourself always. The negative self talk, fear, lack, and doubt creep in at times. It is our ability to love ourselves that moves us beyond any limitations. Acknowledge that we have room to grow, but from a place of charity. We all have space for improvement. Giving that love to ourselves is how the world begins to change.
- Balance. We operate with the masculine and feminine energies. The force that wants to go out and do constantly, and the one that wants to rest and gather. This is the rhythm of life, of the oceans, of the breath. Our psyche and mind work in the same way. Tune into the parts of yourself and nature that naturally follow this flow. If you are a better writer at 9 AM instead of 2PM, do it then. Follow the body’s cues.
- Most of our suffering is from losing the moment. When we are in the future instead of now, we suffer because we believe we’re supposed to be somewhere we are not yet. When we are in the past experiencing something then instead of now, we are suffering because we then re-inject the energy of that situation into our present moment. By noticing a pattern, we repeat it for a time until we see or create a new one. When we are grounded in the moment we can create, otherwise we are dreaming up new patterns or falling into old ones. I have noticed my body physically shifting to meet the direction I am thinking about. My eyes will rise in a different way as I think about the future, or drift another when I think about the past. We are a whole unit, our physical bodies will shift to match our thoughts.
- Release perfectionism. This ties into the above. Perfectionism is a lot about judgement of past mistakes, or an idea of how something will be perceived/ received by others in the future. Just be with yourself and your creation for the sake of it. The rest will come naturally.
- Have a happy thought or ritual that elevates you when things get rough. A song, mantra, memory or phrase that elevates your mood is a powerful tool when things get heavy. While we embrace all of the Universe, even our darker moments, it can be difficult at times to return to peace and joy. We are responsible for our own happiness, so having a practice to do that effectively and consistently is greatly rewarding.
- Gratitude is a super power. It affirms everything in existence and allows us to detach from any preconceived notions of a situation. When we can be appreciative of the hardest and most difficult moments of our lives we are actually able to learn from them and see the “silver lining.” Lessons from the silver lining is how we turn to lead into gold.
Photo by Sovereign Nations https://www.flickr.com/photos/29325549@N07/7469273400/in/pool-2932332@N23
Ryan Orion 
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