I had always thought victory was achieved from the last bit of “oomph” left within the hero. They had something others could only dream of. I styled my life and my creations in that manner. I would wait last minute because I had that “it” with in me. After years of coming close to but falling short of, I have realized that there is more to it. That immortal soul that comes out in the moments of hardship is nurtured and cared for daily through our acts of self-love. It is only through a deep and tender relationship that it makes face at all.
Combing our hair, washing our face, and giving ourselves massages are simple things done daily to affirm our love. The act of stroking, caressing, rinsing and caring for the body is deeply feeling for us and creates a connection to that part of us beneath the surface. These bodies are beautiful gifts and it is through our maintenance that we affirm them and show our appreciation. It is through that loving relationship that we are carried through our tribulations in the hard moments. As we face the death of a loved one, the birth of a baby, or the beginning of a company, it is our ritual of self-love that can help us adapt to the changes and move on renewed.
Throughout these almost 40 days, yoga has been my care routine. It has grounded me and helped me face the challenges of the day. It has also been one of the most difficult parts. There is a debate almost every morning on whether or not I should do it. Sometimes it takes me a while to get out of bed, even longer still to begin the poses. I have missed a few days when I felt I could simply not do it. Many days I was going through the motions begrudging my suffering; others I would convince myself that I could only do half of it. The days I have been present are the days I feel most empowered and encouraged by life. In those moments it is no longer “me” doing Yoga. It is the I Am of something great and wonderful moving through me. It is the Divine.
All the Love,
Ryan Orion
Fasting Notes:
As a child I was put under for surgeries and dentist visits. I have now remembered the smell and taste of Nitrous Oxide from those trips, and that is what I feel and taste when I stand. My body chemistry is such that it creates a small blast of it when I stand and I get extremely light headed and see near-psychedelic visions. Sometimes it will take me 3-5 attempts to stand before I can actually get up because it is so powerful. Bless-fully there have been no more falls as I have now paced and placed myself appropriately.
My memories are vivid and clear. Last night I spent close to 6 hours revisiting foods, I had eaten places I have visited and old friends. It felt like a kaleidoscope swirl and I could hold a memory for a time and then watch it reenter the flow. The clarity is astounding. I feel as if I am there as a witness seeing it live, then my perspective will switch to 1st-person and back. There were some parts of myself that I needed to forgive, as well as some people before I could fully leave the stream.
I am caught between a weariness that is so profound I do not have words, and a bright inner knowing of pure love and energy. Some days I feel more human and today is one of those days. The more I think about the end of the fast, the harder it gets. I am reminded to return to being present with the moment. If not, I get close to convincing myself that 39 is close enough to 40, and images of me shoving almonds and fruit into my face start popping up. As I tune into that inner light, I do not really feel the pain of the hunger.
You can connect with me in a one-on-one session or in the live event tomorrow night, May 21 at 6PM CT!
Ryan Orion 
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