So much has changed already that there are not many words I can use to convey what it is I am thinking and feeling anymore. I feel like a beacon and conveyor of thoughts. They ease into my awareness and move right through. Some are still memories and regrets, others wonderful ideas. Each one says hello, but today they are of gratitude.
After so many days without food, my body is beginning to truly believe it should be tired and resting more. When I allow it, I feel the exhaustion settle in quite quickly. The power of the mind does much, but the toll taken on the body must be answered. We are mental first, and a big part of this fast has been the exploration of that old saying, “mind over matter.” When I feel a voice within saying I am tired, sometimes I listen to it, and sure enough, waves of fatigue rush in. As I focus on how energized I feel, sure enough, I feel better.
Despite the power of the mind, there is no way I could move from my apartment without help from others. I never really liked the feeling of vulnerability in asking for help. There are so many times I demanded, expected, or felt entitled to other people’s work and love, that receiving it freely is still a practice for me. The wonderful people at Earth And Soul have welcomed me in with open arms, given me a space to offer healing and channeling; and shared a mountain of love.
As many begin the spiritual path, they are reminded of the power of being active, of giving. This is divine truth. In our giving we are creators of reality and get to enjoy the service we provide though the eyes of another. However, in our ability to receive, we are giving others the opportunity to experience that same service. Our openness to accept allows any helpers to feel themselves as God. It is in our vulnerability that we allow them to be messengers and workers of Universal Law, of love.
It is not always easy to let down our guards. After misplacing trust a few times we can create stories of fear or of distrust in others and in ourselves. Over time this can cause a shrinking of our truest nature and removes us from the flow of life. Giving becomes burdensome, and receiving feels dangerous. The things that once brought us happiness fall by the wayside and a depressive mood ensues. How then do we move into a place of wholeness so we can return to our Joy?
For me this return to Joy is first found by the return of the inner child. It is in our sense of wonderment of the world around us that we begin to tune into our receptive nature once more. How wondrous the flowers by my feet, the leaves on the trees, and the stream that rushes by. Each new image and things around is sharing and giving a part of its life force and energy to us as we admire it. These are truly freely given and are for us to enjoy constantly. In seeing them we also remember the small things we enjoy for ourselves, like reading, coloring, and speaking with friends. It is in truth appreciation, that brings us to our sense of self.
A few weeks ago, I would not have allowed the kindness shown to me these past few days. The unexpected nature of that love shown to me is not one I was able to have and hold for myself. It is has taken time and processing to realize the burdens I have held onto that denied me such kindness. I am thankful for the people at Earth And Soul and hope to share in turn the Love I hold within me. We are each immensely powerful and competent alone, but it is our ability to work with others that allows us to be such an incredible species here on Earth. That ability is based on us being capable of being vulnerable enough to be open.
All the Love,
Ryan Orion
Fasting Notes: After all of the excitement of the move, I feel the need for rest. I feel bursts of energy, and quickly need to return to a meditation or go take a nap to regather. I am in high spirits in general and love the new dynamic of being around so many other practitioners, even when they are eating food. (:
Ryan Orion 
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