Assumptions. They are the bread and butter of many of our interactions with other people. We give someone the once over and think we know a little something about them. From that initial encounter we then infer what they will do next or who they generally are. It’s a way for a us to quickly compute how to deal with a situation without investing a lot of time and energy. As our lives have sped up and involve many moving pieces, it functions well enough. Well, at least some of the time.
An assumption is like a short cut. It allows us to infer motives and deal accordingly. The quandary is that we are rarely right in these assumptions. More frequently than not, we present our biases to another person and then hold ourselves in such a way where our biases talk back to us. Recently I have had the opportunity to meet a lot of new people from all different types of backgrounds. Piercings, skin colors, creeds, spirits, races, all different and all constantly changing. As soon as I begin to know a person deeper, boom, they show me a part that goes a little deeper.
Not just in conversations, but we also assume others should be responsible for our thoughts and feelings. The first few days of this fast, people would offer me food. A part of me thought, “Don’t you know that I’m fasting?! Why are you trying to tempt me?” Tut, tut. What an assumption. Not only did they not know, they were being kind in offering nourishment. In my ego I took offense before coming back to my senses. Although a little silly in hindsight, It did make me wonder, how many other ways have I assumed intent before? How many times has someone attempted kindness, or authenticity with me and I snapped because of miscommunication or my own misdirected thoughts?
Communication is the answer to assumption. It is through curiosity that we cut through our assumptions of others, and speaking directly how we move beyond our expectations of what they should do or should have done. Have you ever had a moment like, “I’m ready for those sandwiches you made.” Where the response is “I thought you were making the sandwiches….”? I’ve been there many times and the simplest cure is proper and effective communication. We have many beautiful thoughts and wonderful ideas, conveying them is how we can move them from our head and into reality.
The beauty of assumptions is that we can work with the wiring. We get to set the guidance for our presumptions. Instead of believing someone is trying to tempt me with food, or that they should not eat around me at all, I can select what I think about it. Things like, “They are being kind,” “The world does not revolve around me,” “They probably meant well.” These kinds of thoughts give everyone some grace and save us from the emotional roller coaster of a perceived attack. When we assume that people are generally well intentioned, kind, and caring, we can give them the benefit of doubt.
We all have our off days. The toast is a little too crunchy, our hair is a little too poofy, and our attitude a little too salty. However a single day of this does not make up our character. We get to explore the whole spectrum and variety of human emotion and experience. BUT this is not who we are. We are the amalgamation of all of those days and constantly changing. Let our assumptions then be kind. Let them be small blessings of grace, and we can watch people unfold into the beauty we hold for them. Those same people I had assumptions about, are now the ones to open their hearts and homes to me and for that I am eternally grateful
All the Love,
Ryan Orion
Fasting Notes:
To move through the days I must treat every day as the first. Any time I think about how far I have yet to go I get a little quiver. The changes externally are noticeable and the ones within profound. I have cinched my pants as far as they go and they still fall. There is no obvious example of this in my emotional and mental state, but I feel it and I think it. With every breath I take I am changing just a little bit more.
For the next few weeks I will be in the care of loved ones and not living in a community house. I am moving out of my room tomorrow and have spent most of today conserving energy for that. There is only so much I am capable of in a day and I am looking forward to the challenge.
I have spent years in many professions, exploring many teachings. In this I have learned much and am eager to share! To discover some techniques for yourself or just vent, you can book a mentoring session with me here:
If you are interested in donating to the cause, you can do so here:
Ryan Orion 
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