We’ve all done it. One second we’re driving the car, talking with a friend, or reading a book, and a part of our brain drifts away and into the past. Memories of childhood, an awkward moment in high school, or an oopsie from last week start to flood in. Before we know it, the drive is over, the friend has left and we’re 20 pages into a book we did not really read. The call of the past is strong, and if we do not guide it ourselves, it will pull us in like the riptide.
If they were handing out belts for wallowing in the past I would have a black belt and a few students. I’ve spent many a day and week getting caught up in things I can no longer change. “I should have done this differently.” “They should have treated me better.” The whole while blaming myself and others. “Poor me, poor me, poor me.” It feels mildly satisfying having that justified anger at the world in the moment. That “poor me” feeling is intoxicating, but greatly isolating. It puts us in a frame of reference where we are in one box, and the world is in another. As much fun as I can have on my own, the ride is more enjoyable with company.
Beyond that, these moments of self pity or regret are often tinted by what we feel in the moment. They are not the reality of what truly happened. An example: a few years ago I was going through a particularly difficult spell of depression. I had the “Big Sad” in a big way. I couldn’t figure it out. Every time I would find a memory to dwell on and the mental response would be something like, “Yeah, and that’s why I’m the worst.” There was one memory in particular when I got into a fist fight as a child and I felt guilty about hurting someone else. In my depressive state I used it as an excuse to beat up on myself some more, “I’m such a bully.” was the thought. This is not a truth, but a thought I allowed to confirm what I was already feeling, sadness.
The truth is quite a bit different. A few months later I regained some momentum and moved beyond my depressive episode. That same memory came back, except this time, I was in a healthier place. I looked back on that same memory of getting into a fight and my thought process was “I’m glad I defended myself.” More of the story came to my mind and that was a fight I did not instigate, but instead had protected myself. That critical voice within us does not care about the truth, it just wants to be heard. It will lie, cheat and steal, to get attention and use its own impulses as an excuse for us to feel the same. There is comfort in knowing that we all have that voice, and we can choose to listen to it or not. It is that voice that seeks to wallow in the mire of thought and memory.
Beyond that voice, it is our current state of mind that dictates how we look back on memories. If we are feeling strong and independent, that is the flavor of memory we look into. Likewise, if we are feeling weak and enchained, that is what we will call forth. It can even be the same memory for both. It is not so much what has happened, but what we are thinking and feeling about what has happened when we recall it. It is then up to us to take charge for what our thoughts are and how we look into memories.
This is the power of reflecting. It is to set aside a time to journal, sing, think, ponder, meditate, or pray on things from the past that may not have quite settled. In this it is best to approach with neutrality, so the impressions of that memory can be processed in this moment, and expressed creatively. We are not limited to repeat the same patterns and habits that caused us pain or trauma, nor do we need to dwell in them. We have the opportunity to do something with that hurt, and potentially offer it to the world in a constructive way. Once transmuted, our suffering becomes the antidote to all other ills.
It is not just about releasing potentially painful memories, but also about embracing our growth. In sitting daily or weekly and thinking on the questions we asked ourselves a year ago, we get to see just how much we have changed. The pause to do this is important. Our love of achievement and success means little if we do not offer ourselves a moment to appreciate it. Otherwise we are off building another skyscraper or writing another song. Slowing down for the moment gives us the space to be appreciative of what we have accomplished and to be proactive and creative with our memory recall. The memories will come. It is up to us to decide if we are going to direct them or react to them.
All the Love,
Ryan Orion
P.S.
Hey guys! I am an energy healer and I channel spirit guides to offer assistance with life’s questions. I also offer a Life Coaching service to help people integrate their best parts with the parts they are still uncovering. My services are entirely donation based, so you pay what you think is fair. You can schedule here:
Fasting Notes:
Today is incredible. A lot of the brain fog has lifted as I feel the congestion leaving. I feel the need to rest frequently and to be alone more, but I am still around people daily. Perhaps at some point I will go full hermit mode to deeply contemplate, but that day is not today.
I have decided to ease off the salt as it has not helped in the way I thought it would with balancing minerals and has left me feeling, well, salty. For the next few days I intend to go entirely without to see how I feel and we’ll go on from there.
Ryan Orion 
Leave a comment