It is a marvelous time of the year. Easter especially but spring in general. I was born on Easter and it has always called me to me in a particular way. In many ways it feels more like my birthday than my birthday does. I have always enjoyed the aspect, that for such a large holiday it skips around a whole lot. Others are based on dates, or the last Thursday. Easter is always on Sunday but which Sunday and which month is anyone’s guess. I know there is a way to track it but out of all of these years I’ve chosen to enjoy the ignorance. For me Spring and especially Easter are about that childlike wonder of the world around us.
It is in this wonder that we find ourselves now. We may have lost that wonder for a time through stories that we should talk in certain ways or adopt certain habits based on our ages, gender, creeds and religions. And here it is again! Spring! There is a feeling of possibility with every action. There are seeds to plant and dreams to fulfill. It is the time to bask in the Joy of seeing “the girl” walk by and finding that version of you that has the courage to ask her out. Old stories have shed and we are a new us. A more sparkly and brighter us.
Rebirth is to continually find that child’s awe, and let it out. Now that may require a little bit more chaos for a time than our adult selves appreciate. We like things how we like them and kids are inherently messy They are kids. And somewhere along the way we gave ourselves less grace. Fair enough, we should have different expectations from a child to an adult. We are happy when they go poopoo in the potty. The expectations are comfortably low. If you’re a functioning adult and can’t do the same, that can become troublesome for you and those around you. But where is the grace?
The grace got hidden behind expectation. Expectation is that voice of structure and control that turns us to stone. “It should have been done this way.” “I liked the way the last guy did it better.” “Go back and do it again.” These are the voices of you have to, you should have, and you need to. They restrict and limit what both me and the person I speak to are capable of saying and doing around each other. They coil around us tighter and tighter until we let go, or start breaking stuff. Breaking things in this manner is frequently more harmful than helpful and it takes time to pick up those pieces. It is easier to let go of the expectation than to clean up the mess of having too much of it.
However, when applied in its right time, destruction is normal and necessary. For life to occur, and especially birth and rebirth destruction must be present as well. The mother destroys, lets go of, her sense of identity the moment she is pregnant. She identifies with being pregnant for those nine months, enjoying the comments, encouragements, and sometimes unwanted advice. Then that identity is destroyed when she begins to identify as two people. And once more again when the child grows old enough to wander around and say no. At each phase there is a continual death of what was, and an opening of what is new, and what can be.
It is our fear of death that turns us into the expectant controller. Things must be done a certain way in order to avoid death. You must act a certain way to avoid banishment, death. You dress a certain way to avoid that same fate. These are all bases of fear and avoidance of what is normal and natural, death. To be reborn, the old you must pass by the way side. There is no other possible means for us to grow without the letting go of that version. You may wish to blow it kisses and give him or her a final hug, but away they go for the next phase to unveil.
It is in this that we find the middle. between the two, death and life, is Rebirth. It is a continuation of the cycle. It is respecting the natural rhythm of life. the rise and fall of the tide, the leaves falling in fall, and the flowers springing in spring. It is coal with years of heat and pressure unveiling its true self as new and authentic. It is only after all of that pressure and perceived death that it is reborn into something of greater value and potential. And in the words or Rhianna, “Shine bright like a diamond”
Fasting notes:
Today was another active day. I think I have cycled a mile or two just about every day, practiced yoga or gone on a walk. There is a great amount of energy that I feel coursing through me, and then I will feel strong fatigue. It is important to respect the call for rest. Beating the horse only makes for an unhappy horse.
My body in general feels great. I wake up with some discomfort/ hunger pains and then it is gone by the time I start moving around. There are small aches and pains here and there, but it feels like growth and not diminishment. I can feel my structure changing. My bones are shifting, my muscles matching the new changes and the tendons pulling in. It is remarkable to feel and observe throughout my days the intense physiological changes that happen over time.
Mentally I am sharp. names, number, places and things of that nature come quickly and are there for a while. That is until I ignore the call for rest. The brain fog and fatigue that comes is like a wave. IT is important to rest. The calls of nature are ignored at our own peril, or at least a few head bonks.
I look forward to sharing more of the journey with you. Thank you for sharing the ride.
All the Love,
Ryan Orion
Ryan Orion 
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